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Lifeapos;s been totally kickingour asses lately.

I donapos;t like to talk about it, but weapos;ve had to put three of the ferrets down in the last three months. There wasnapos;t any time to deal with Nutmeg dying before Benny had a stroke and then Scooter just gave out. Elsieapos;s starting to fail, too, and Cesar has a really bad kind of cancer and his spleen is as big as Texas. Itapos;s so big tht they canapos;t take it out without there being a good chance that heapos;ll bleed out on the table so it just has to stay. Iapos;ve got a lot more wrapped up in Ceasar than I ought to in one single pet - inside my head heapos;s not just Ceasar. Heapos;s Edgar, the ferret we lost a few years ago, after he suddenly became ill and we fought super hard to save him and did surgeries and he still died and we never knew what killed him. Heapos;s the ferrets I lost in the house fire six years ago too, especially apos;Geta-san, and I am going to totally lose my shit when he dies.

Aprilapos;s going to be laid off for another two weeks. She had her bonus - I think it all already got spent on taxes and paying off the credit cares - and Iapos;ve got my school loans, but theyapos;re not a bottomless source of funds.

And the stupid foster kittens are sick. One of them is peeing blood - I think itapos;s Pauper but Iapos;m not sure. And Prince has a big huge lump on his front leg/under his armpit/across his chest. Itapos;s like the size of an egg almost and it wasnapos;t there three days ago when I gave him his last bath. I saw that he had a thing on his elebow when April first brought him in but I just thought it was a mat and didnapos;t pay any attention to it. I donapos;t know why I was that stupid because Coyote had a similar mark on her when we first got her, an almost-healed wound, and that suddenly flared up after weapos;d had her for a while too, and they had to open it up and we had to do bandage changes on it for weeks and it sucked for her and it hurt her and sheapos;s still afraid of people two years later because of it.

Iapos;m really freaked out that this happened to him because I didnapos;t keep their room clean enough. April got mad at me because I said it was my fault. I know heapos;s a stupid, dirty, chewed-up stray kitten so of course heapos;s going to be sick and that has nothing to do with me other than that I have to pay to fix it, and I donapos;t think it was the dirty room because like I said, the wound was healed or almost healed before - itapos;s broken open and is leaking a little bit of puss now - so thatapos;s not me. But I should have noticed it yesterday or the day before because then it wouldnapos;t be so bad now. I wasnapos;t really picking him up because he gets into my lap on his own. I should have gone in there and bleached stuff and swept and did litter boxes everyday instead of every two or three. Iapos;m really, really worried that heapos;s going to die now.

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