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Something is wrong with my comma key. It keeps sticking.
Damnit.

So, (aha I see itapos;s working SOMETIMES--grr)
I hope I have something to do this weekend.
Tried calling Becca earlier to talk to her because I couldnapos;t at work earlier
but she wasnapos;t home, maybe at a football game.
Dunno.
Hopefully I can go hang out with her this weekend,
but I dunno if mom is watching the kiddo or not.
Bob said heapos;s kinda tired of going over there every weekend.
I asked him why.
He said he doesnapos;t know.
I asked if it was something to do with Becca and/or Chuck, he said no.
He said he thinks itapos;s cuz of all the people who are always there, people he doesnapos;t really know.
I donapos;t get it. Get to know them then.
I like them.
I mean, sometimes there are some REALLY random people there that no one really knows or maybe like one person knows,
and then itapos;s just kinda like... Huh?
But other than that, I like them, I like having new people to talk to and stuff so that everyone isnapos;t just hanging out with the same one or two people all night like how it used to be when there would be lots of people over there.
Then he said something about he gets sick of watching these random guys staring at me when Iapos;m not looking but he notices it and it pisses him off.
Then punch them in the face--what do you want me to do about it?
They stare at Becca too, and you donapos;t see Chuck getting all mad, but if he did, who would be the first one to let them know about it? CHUCK.
If something youapos;re doing is pissing him off, youapos;ll know.
And if something youapos;re doing involving his wife is pissing him off, youapos;ll certainly know.
I donapos;t get it.

He doesnapos;t even want to go to N.O. Next weekend.
I dunno why. Iapos;m super excited though since Iapos;ve never been, and last time I talked to Chuck he seemed super excited too.
Becca seems like sheapos;s trying to force herself to be excited, but I donapos;t think she really is either.
Hopefully once we all get down there, theyapos;ll enjoy themselves.

Iapos;m excited to hang out with BC that weekend, cuz weapos;ll get to hang out in the hotel and on the drive down there and stuff. Yayyyy.
I miss my Becca n Chuck.
They have all these new friends now, and Iapos;m glad, because theyapos;re cool people that I enjoy hanging out with too.
But sometimes I miss the "old days," when Chuck would tell everyone else that they werenapos;t doing anything that night so no one would come over except me and weapos;d hang out all night and play Trivial Pursuit (wtf, so random, it was great, I suck at that game) and drink Chuckapos;s pina coladas and sit in their bed and listen to music. And end the night with Voyager. Ha. Iapos;d have dreams about that show. Good grief.

How time distorts things. Itapos;s lame.

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ldquo;Sherdquo;
Written by C. A. Walker
10/05/008

She lights up a room the minute she walks in.
She gives me the butterflies,
and she makes my head spin.
She loves me for me,
and she sees not only who I am, but who I could be.
She gives me courage.
She gives me strength.
She makes me feel so much more,
than any woman has before.
She shows me whats real,
she brings me truth.
She makes me feel safe and sane.
She knows my every thought.
She is the one who fought ...
She won me

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Well, I�woke up Saturday morning realizing I�had perfected the strawberry daquiri but not my speech� Yikes - the speech was going to be as god as it is going to get - I�didnapos;t want to practice on Saturday either.� Sometimes you need to distance yourself� I�just took it easy Saturday morning and arrived at teh contest not nervous Saturday afternoon.�� This time I�drew #5 of� 5 so I�was to go last - I�knew my luck would run out eventually, I�have drawn #1 the past 5 times, what are the chances?�

All of the contestants were good this year at the humorous speech competition.� The audience really showed up ready to laugh.� Last year I�was only an observer and no one laughed� It is so great to be in front of a big audience, every joke you deliver usually gets a laugh from 10 people and the rest of the audience picks up on it.� If you are with a smaller audience you can really bomb out on quit a few of your jokes.� The worst audience is a college classroom.� I�visit a friend of mines class every time I�compete to practice and the students just donapos;t laugh - if they do you know it must be really good material.� The students are usually very nice about your work but they are a tough crowd.� I�always want to give up after I visit the class.

After seeing 4 really great speeches and realizing I�could have preped more but somehow avoided it at all costs I�placed everything in Godapos;s hands minutes before I�performed.� He brought me thru and I�placed second in the division contest that represents northeast Ohio.� The first place winner was EXCELLENT� I�feel very lucky to have placed 2nd.� I�am even happier that this whole public speaking thing is so much easier than I�ever thought it could be.� There is always room for improvement and I�still have my eyes on first place.

Instead of a song, I�want to post a quote "Sometimes success is just a matter of hanging on"

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Hello dear friends,

In the gospel we see Jesus going to the mountains to pray in solitude to the father, to be in intimate contact with the father. He was in the midst of crowds during all day but in the nights he spent his time in prayer. He drew strength by prayer from the father and before taking all decisions, we see him praying to take the right decision. However, how do we consider personal prayer? Are we praying at all? Prayer is the raising of one's mind and heart to God but, is it that our prayers sometimes becomes like requesting of material gifts from God? Today I would like to share with you some thoughts regarding prayer in Christian life. The wonder of prayer is revealed beside the well where we come seeking water: there, Christ comes to meet every human being. It is he who first seeks us and asks us for a drink. Jesus thirsts; his asking arises from the depths of God's desire for us. Whether we realize it or not, prayer is the encounter of God's thirst with ours. God thirsts that we may thirst for him. "You would have asked him, and he would have given you living water" (John 4:10). Paradoxically our prayer of petition is a response to the plea of the living God: "They have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewn out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water"(Jeremia 2:13). In prayer, God's initiative of love always comes first; our own first step is always a response. As God gradually reveals himself and reveals man to himself, prayer appears as a reciprocal call, a covenant drama. In the Old Testament, the revelation of prayer comes between the fall and the restoration of man, that is, between God's sorrowful call to his first children: "Where are you? . . . What is this that you have done?" (Genesis 3:9) and the response of God's only Son on coming into the world: "Lo, I have come to do your will, O God."



Christian prayer is the living relationship of the children of God with their Father who is good beyond measure, with his Son Jesus Christ and with the Holy Spirit. The grace of the Kingdom is "the union of the entire holy and royal Trinity . . . With the whole human spirit." Thus, the life of prayer is the habit of being in the presence of the thrice-holy God and in communion with him. This communion of life is always possible because, through Baptism, we have already been united with Christ. Prayer is Christian insofar as it is communion with Christ and extends throughout the Church, which is his Body. Its dimensions are those of Christ's love. In the Roman liturgy, the Eucharistic assembly is invited to pray to our heavenly Father with filial boldness. From the burning bush Moses heard a voice saying to him, "Do not come near; put off your shoes from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground" (Exodus 3:5). Only Jesus could cross that threshold of the divine holiness, for "when he had made purification for sins." When we pray to the Father, we are in communion with him and with his Son, Jesus Christ. Then we know and recognize him with an ever new sense of wonder. We can adore the Father because he has caused us to be reborn to his life by adopting us as his children in his only Son: by Baptism, he incorporates us into the Body of his Christ; through the anointing of his Spirit who flows from the head to the members, he makes us other "Christs."

Prayer internalizes and assimilates the liturgy during and after its celebration. One enters into prayer as one enters into liturgy: by the narrow gate of faith. Through the signs of his presence, it is the Face of the Lord that we seek and desire; it is his Word that we want to hear and keep. The Holy Spirit, who instructs us to celebrate the liturgy in expectation of Christ's return, teaches us-to pray in hope. Conversely, the prayer of the Church and personal prayer nourish hope in us. The psalms especially, with their concrete and varied language, teach us to fix our hope in God: "I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry" (Psalms 40:2). As St. Paul prayed: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope" (Romans 15:13). "Hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit who has been given to us"(Romans 5:5). Prayer, formed by the liturgical life, draws everything into the love by which we are loved in Christ and which enables us to respond to him by loving as he has loved us.

Where does prayer come from? Whether prayer is expressed in words or gestures, it is the whole man who prays. But in naming the source of prayer, scripture speaks sometimes of the soul or the spirit, but most often of the heart (more than a thousand times). According to scripture, it is the heart that prays. If our heart is far from God, the words of prayer are in vain. The heart is the dwelling-place where I am, where I live; according to the Semitic or Biblical expression, the heart is the place "to which I withdraw." The heart is our hidden center, beyond the grasp of our reason and of others; only the Spirit of God can fathom the human heart and know it fully. The heart is the place of decision, deeper than our psychic drives. It is the place of truth, where we choose life or death. It is the place of encounter, because as image of God we live in relation: it is the place of covenant. Humility is the foundation of prayer, only when we humbly acknowledge that "we do not know how to pray as we ought," are we ready to receive freely the gift of prayer. "O that today you would hear to his voice Harden not your hearts" (Hebrews 3:7-8).

Prayer in Communion with the Saints

The witnesses who have preceded us into the kingdom (Hebrews 12:1), especially those whom the Church recognizes as saints, share in the living tradition of prayer by the example of their lives, the transmission of their writings, and their prayer today. They contemplate God, praise him and constantly care for those whom they have left on earth. When they entered into the joy of their Master, they were "put in charge of many things"(Matthew 25:21). Their intercession is their most exalted service to God's plan. We can and should ask them to intercede for us and for the whole world. In the communion of saints, many and varied spiritualities have been developed throughout the history of the churches. The personal charism of some witnesses to God's love for men has been handed on, like "the spirit" of Elijah to Elisha and John the Baptist, so that their followers may have a share in this spirit (2 Kings 2:9, Luke 1:1).

The Son of God who became Son of the Virgin also learned to pray according to his human heart. He learns the formulas of prayer from his mother, who kept in her heart and meditated upon all the "great things" done by the Almighty. Mary's prayer is revealed to us at the dawning of the fullness of time. Before the incarnation of the Son of God, and before the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, her prayer cooperates in a unique way with the Father's plan of loving kindness: at the Annunciation, for Christ's conception; at Pentecost, for the formation of the Church, his Body. The Gospel reveals to us how Mary prays and intercedes in faith. At Cana, the mother of Jesus asks her son for the needs of a wedding feast; this is the sign of another feast - that of the wedding of the Lamb where he gives his body and blood at the request of the Church, his Bride. It is at the hour of the New Covenant, at the foot of the cross, that Mary is heard as the Woman, the new Eve, the true "Mother of all the living." That is why the Canticle of Mary, the Magnificat (Latin) or Megalynei (Byzantine) is the song both of the Mother of God and of the Church. Mary gave her consent in faith at the Annunciation and maintained it without hesitation at the foot of the Cross. Ever since, her motherhood has extended to the brothers and sisters of her Son "who still journey on earth surrounded by dangers and difficulties." Jesus, the only mediator, is the way of our prayer; Mary, his mother and ours, is wholly transparent to him: she "shows the way" (hodigitria), and is herself "the Sign" of the way, according to the traditional iconography of East and West. Beginning with Mary's unique cooperation with the working of the Holy Spirit, the Churches developed their prayer to the holy Mother of God, centering it on the person of Christ manifested in his mysteries. In prayer the Holy Spirit unites us to the person of the only Son, in his glorified humanity, through which and in which our filial prayer unites us in the Church with the Mother of Jesus.

With love prayers Jyothish

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I finally did something I said I would, and went to the animal shelter to fill out a volunteer form. Turns out itapos;s the humane society I want. The animal shelter puts down animals that are not claimed within a week, definitely something I donapos;t want to be a part of. It looks like Iapos;ll be going to the humane society on Monday when theyapos;re offices are open.

On another note, I read an interesting article in a magazine today about the high stress levels of young women these days. The article claimed the average 20 something year old is as stressed as�psychiatric patients were in the fifties. I was agreeing with the whole article, stressed about my job, stressed about family and friends. The problem with my stresses, however, are that most of them are problems created entirely in head, most of which never come true.

Iapos;ve been doing this forever, thinking of the worst situation possible, fixating on it for days, weeks, months. Iapos;ve tried stopping, being positive about everything, but no matter what I do, those thoughts just keep coming back.

Iapos;m starting to wonder, back in the fifties, people seemed more relax. The world moved at a slower pace, it was a much simpler time. People seemed so much more happy, with less things, be it material objects or activities to please them.

Today we have so many gadgets to keep us occupied. TVapos;s, internet, cell phones, play stations. There are endless activities and objects to constantly grab our attention, yet people are bored and unhappy more easily. Have we come to expect too much? Has my generation been conditioned to believe that everything should be handed to us, that excitement and amusement should automatically come to us, instead of us making an effort and looking for it?

Even in third world nations where people have less and work so much harder, studies have shown they are generally happier and more grateful for their lives.

Maybe itapos;s time everyone slowed down. Look around you. Take a walk through the park and appreciate your surroundings. We have come to expect so much, weapos;re forgetting to take each day as it comes. How can we enjoy today, when our minds are already in tomorrow?

Just a thought.



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I cannot believe he is back in my life again. I donapos;t know where to begin. I donapos;t think thereapos;s even anybody with whom I am currently friends who knows about him; I donapos;t know that thereapos;s anybody who used to be my friend who knows about him, either. But I am, in any case, very glad.

And besides, Lake Champlain isnapos;t that far away, really.

Before "Sea Changes" was rainy-Sunday-on-heroin music, it was him-music.

I suppose this was the only proper way to end the day today has been. Really.

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Let me just say- The next person who talks about this "other me" is going to get a swift kick, if not your fucking head taken off.

Thatapos;s the biggest bunch of bullshit I have ever heard.

Also, my sword? Part of me. Donapos;t fucking touch.

Iapos;ll be damned if this whole "not dying" shit hasnapos;t made all of you "citizens" the most pig headed bunch of fools. Last I checked, wounds still hurt. And I donapos;t have to kill you to punish you. Thatapos;s too easy, these days.

You can always be food.

And you, shinigami. Must you skulk so?
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Lifeapos;s been totally kickingour asses lately.

I donapos;t like to talk about it, but weapos;ve had to put three of the ferrets down in the last three months. There wasnapos;t any time to deal with Nutmeg dying before Benny had a stroke and then Scooter just gave out. Elsieapos;s starting to fail, too, and Cesar has a really bad kind of cancer and his spleen is as big as Texas. Itapos;s so big tht they canapos;t take it out without there being a good chance that heapos;ll bleed out on the table so it just has to stay. Iapos;ve got a lot more wrapped up in Ceasar than I ought to in one single pet - inside my head heapos;s not just Ceasar. Heapos;s Edgar, the ferret we lost a few years ago, after he suddenly became ill and we fought super hard to save him and did surgeries and he still died and we never knew what killed him. Heapos;s the ferrets I lost in the house fire six years ago too, especially apos;Geta-san, and I am going to totally lose my shit when he dies.

Aprilapos;s going to be laid off for another two weeks. She had her bonus - I think it all already got spent on taxes and paying off the credit cares - and Iapos;ve got my school loans, but theyapos;re not a bottomless source of funds.

And the stupid foster kittens are sick. One of them is peeing blood - I think itapos;s Pauper but Iapos;m not sure. And Prince has a big huge lump on his front leg/under his armpit/across his chest. Itapos;s like the size of an egg almost and it wasnapos;t there three days ago when I gave him his last bath. I saw that he had a thing on his elebow when April first brought him in but I just thought it was a mat and didnapos;t pay any attention to it. I donapos;t know why I was that stupid because Coyote had a similar mark on her when we first got her, an almost-healed wound, and that suddenly flared up after weapos;d had her for a while too, and they had to open it up and we had to do bandage changes on it for weeks and it sucked for her and it hurt her and sheapos;s still afraid of people two years later because of it.

Iapos;m really freaked out that this happened to him because I didnapos;t keep their room clean enough. April got mad at me because I said it was my fault. I know heapos;s a stupid, dirty, chewed-up stray kitten so of course heapos;s going to be sick and that has nothing to do with me other than that I have to pay to fix it, and I donapos;t think it was the dirty room because like I said, the wound was healed or almost healed before - itapos;s broken open and is leaking a little bit of puss now - so thatapos;s not me. But I should have noticed it yesterday or the day before because then it wouldnapos;t be so bad now. I wasnapos;t really picking him up because he gets into my lap on his own. I should have gone in there and bleached stuff and swept and did litter boxes everyday instead of every two or three. Iapos;m really, really worried that heapos;s going to die now.

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Hey,

A quick question. Are Macs prone to getting marked up? I have been carrying my Mac in my backpack in a laptop pouch (a bit bigger than necessary for a Mac ....can fit the 17apos; notebook PCs) and I think it got a little marked up by the plastic contour things that are suppose to be good for your back.

I was just curious if Macs (specifically a white Macbook) are prone to getting sort of imprinted with markings if pressed or pressured hard enough against them?

No worries though I quickly learned my lesson and got a great new laptop bag that fits my macbook perfectly and is well cushioned

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